just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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