I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
