Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
