mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
