im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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