just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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