How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just googled if crying burns calories
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
