hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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