He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
