How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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