I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
