so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
