I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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