We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
