Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
