Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
