Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
