we have pet lesbian snakes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
