My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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