We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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