Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
