I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
