between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
