i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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