I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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