You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
