1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dear god my vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize