YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
