I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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