I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
one two three fourrrrnication!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
