This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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