apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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