She is in my trunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How does one acquire holy water?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
