Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
