you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
