allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
