I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
