just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
