Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Enjoy the penises
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
