just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
