This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
