All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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