So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
