when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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