i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
