Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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