I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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