the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
