she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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