i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
