Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
