Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm too high and old for this...
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