I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So here I am, sexting at work.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
