I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
