Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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