: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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