So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lo siento on account of my penis...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
